I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
