she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
