Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize