I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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