you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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