My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
