You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
