oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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