So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
