You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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