Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize