Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
