she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize