i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
