I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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