I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
