You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
