So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize