I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
