Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
