Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would ride that face into the sunset
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