Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
