The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
