I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
