Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
