On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
