I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
