I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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