You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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