why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Even my vagina gasped.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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