Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
