Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
