ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize