I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
