I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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