Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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