I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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