My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
