nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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