This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
