you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
