We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
