i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
