lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
