How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
