Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
