I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
