You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
