Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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