never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
