3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
