Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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