when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
