oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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