i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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