I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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