Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize