I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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