Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
