is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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