he wants to bone in the snuggie
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
