i permit you to call me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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