I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
