I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
