what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
