is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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