so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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