Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
