I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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