Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
did i walk over a car last night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize