Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
