you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
