Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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