That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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