I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
