dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
