She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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