I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
