I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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