Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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