Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
