My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm too high and old for this...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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