OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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