first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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