You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize