i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
