They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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