Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
