I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
